Damn Lando, you’ve got it going on!
The above is a quote from the modern philosopher Rogersworthe. And you know what? He’s absolutely right. Minus a couple of guys, I nailed last weeks Hotties and Fuglies. Even though he’s my boy, I’ve got one thing to say to Greg Jennings. Fuck you man. Fuck you. You think you’re hot shit in a champagne glass, when you’re really just cold diarrhea in a dixie cup. How the hell is Aaron Rodgers going to pass for 300 yards and you only get forty of them. Forty??
Alright did a few lines and now I’m focused and back on track (Cocaine is hell of a drug.) This is the time of the week, the time when waivers clear and you’re thinking of who’s hot and who’s not. And as always, here I am, sitting here at my computer, ready to bless you mere mortals with my fantasy eggs of knowledge. Time to crack them all over your heads.
Hotties:
- Peyton Manning: The guy is a BEAST. He’s proven that anyone can enter the NFL, even if you’ve been graded your whole life on a curve. He’s also facing the Titans secondary, which hasn’t been this bad since ‘83. Look for an amazing week from stupid, sexy Peyton.
- Tony Homo: Gay.
- Joe Flacco: Man I hate the Ravens aka The Devil’s Handmaidens. But they’re really good this year, thanks to Flacco. This proves what a real franchise QB can do for a team. Take notes Fish. Oh, and he plays the Bengals who gave up the entire field to Massachuqoitdideakd or whatever his name is. Cleveland’s rookie. There we go.
- Adrian “Killer Croc” Peterson: Green Bay geared in against him and let Favre peak all over on Monday. But I saw the commercial that allowed me to give him this amazing nick name. I’m going to take that as a sign that St. Louis is going to get run over.(Random fact, if you google AP with his shirt off our website is the first result. I take full credit.) Hot to trot.
- Steve Slaton: Took a leaf out of Arnold’s book and came back last week. Man what a week too. Guess what? He’s going to do it again. Because Arizona blows big D. Just sayin.
- Chris Johnson: Already one of the sexiest players in the league. And he probably looks amazing with his dreads in a ponytail.
- Reggie Wayne: It pains me to write this… but who do the Titans have to cover him? Exactly.
- Andre Johnson: This guy is the real deal. He’s a playmaker. This guy knows how to win. (Was that enough gay ESPN analysis for you?) But for real, Johnson is going against Arizona. And if Schaub stays healthy that means oodles upon oodles of points for Andre.
- Mike Sims-Walker: This boat is real. He looked pretty damn good against us last week. And Seattle’s D isn’t much better. Not the same numbers but he’s still gonna do good.
Here comes 0-5
Tags: Adrian Peterson, Greg Jennings, NFL Week 5, nose clams, Peyton Manning
