In the interim I am again left to marvel how somebody can rise to a fairly prominent media position with no discernible insight or talent, save for an apparent ability to mix up a vast bowl of word salad very quickly.

He wrote this about Bill Simmons’ column on Tiger Woods vs. Mohammed Ali return. It should also be noted, for purposes of irony, that he wrote this at the end of a post about some guy who played baseball for the Baltimore Orioles in 1963.

I’m 24, so I have no idea about Mohammed Ali’s comeback. I’ve grown up with every human being worshiping Mohammed Ali (despite him being a womanizing, egomaniacal, jerk to many people in his life) for his amazing greatness and transcendence.

Frankly, I don’t care to compare either. I didn’t read it. Who gives a fuck?

But as for Keith Olbermann, if he wants to see vastly overpaid white people tossing up word salad that will make his skin crawl, he should watch the Big Show reunion on NBC’s Sunday Night Football pregame show. Now THAT is some incompetent stupidity with “no discernible insight or talent” to marvel at.

Now lets bring back the cast from M*A*S*H!!

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Young coaches.

Forget players. Forget top quarterbacks. Forget luck. Forget all of that CRAP. You know what really wins Super Bowls, and it’s coaches who haven’t been with their team for very long.

Vincent Troia knows this. He wrote this impeccably researched article explaining how for the Titans to win a Super Bowl, all they need is to hire a new coach. Really it’s flawless logic. The idea is that most coaches win Super Bowls early in their tenure at a team rather than late. Lets ignore the fact that the reason for that is because so few coaches have a late tenure if they don’t win a Super Bowl, thus marginalizing the sample size, or that the reason why the coaches who won early then didn’t recapture the that winning mentality later in their careers is because they had much worse personnel in their later years. None of those factors matter one bit.

After reading this great piece of statistical research, I decided to do a bit of my own statistical research to reveal some deep truths about several issues that plague the world:

• The more Blackberries manufactured, the higher the National deficit gets. IF ONLY OBAMA WOULD BAN BLACKBERRY MANUFACTURING, WE COULD CURE THIS BUDGET CRISIS!!!
• The more nuclear weapons the US stockpiles, the more obese the nation gets. Get rid of nuclear arms proliferation and you get rid of rising obesity. Simple.
• Beepers were at an all time high the same time the cocaine craze hit America. Simple equation there. Beeper usage leads to cocaine addiction. SAY NO TO BEEPERS.
• This one will interest Roger Goodell. I found out the guns are being manufactured and sold at record rates. During this same steady climb, NFL Ratings have shot up. If Roger Goodell wishes to keep up NFL Ratings and popularity, he needs to start supporting the Firearms Lobby and keep America buying guns. Otherwise… America will go back to watching baseball.
• Since 9/11, the use of pay phones has drastically gone down each year. Obviously anybody who was in the payphone business knows who to blame for that industry collapse: Al-Qaeda.

Statistics are amazing tools of truth, people. Use wisely.

These ruthless agents of terror are directly responsible for the decline of the Payphone business

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Kissing Suzy Kolber has all but cornered the market on mocking Peter King, and I salute them for their great work in this field. However, I have to address this quote on my own. It infuriates me too much not to:

No matter what you think of Favre — and it’s no secret I think he’s the most charismatic and interesting player I’ve covered — you have to admire how he bleeds in front of us. He goes out and gets the snot knocked out of him (“We were determined to hit him over and over and make him feel it,” said none other than his old friend with the Packers, Saints safetyDarren Sharper), somehow survives, then makes a throw he never should have made.

See, Peter, no I fucking don’t. I DON’T have to admire shit about the fact that he “bleeds” in front of us. Let me explain why:

1. Everybody on the damn field takes a beating and bleeds for us. It’s football. Favre doesn’t take half the beating his Offensive Lineman take. IT’S FOOTBALL, YOU MORON!!!
2. He get’s paid 8 figures. There are hundreds upon thousands of people who would be exactly what he does if they had the talent. It’s a game. He gets an ungodly amount of money to play it. Part of that game is getting hit. So I don’t have to ADMIRE SHIT ABOUT A GUY WHO GETS PAID $15+ MILLION FOR HIS TROUBLES OF GETTING HIT IN A FOOTBALL GAME!!!
3. He somehow survives because it isn’t that hard to survive. Hits to the head and helmet on a QB are illegal. He is wearing all kinds of state of the art padding to protect his body. In fact, the success rate of survival on QBs is 100%. Not one QB has died from being sacked. Not even David Carr.

Peter King, you have set the standard for heroism pretty damn low. Favre got hit in a football game, then ended his teams season with a truly atrocious decision and throw. By the way, this is the 3rd time Brett Favre has ended his and his teams season in the playoffs with an Interception while the game was either tied or within reach of one score. This is Peter King’s definition of what should be admired and regarded as heroic.

The sad part is Peter King represents the views of several sports media personalities and ESPN as a whole. It’s frustrating and ridiculous. I would like to read just one unbiased approach from a major media member to Favre and his actions on and off the field. Apparently that is way too much to ask. It’s like asking an inexperienced, smooth-talking idealist to run a huge superpower on the verge of serious economic collapse.

Fuck you, fat man.

You would be an abomination to sports writing if it wasn't already so bad.

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Kenny Britt did nothing wrong, which Wyatt even points out. Britt also wasn’t there when the crime was committed. All he did was bail a friend out of jail. Yes, the friend is charged with some serious crimes, but friends are friends and Kenny Britt has the money. Let’s avoid invading his privacy and let him choose to use his money and lead his life however he wants to within the confines of the law. This is a ridiculous story and ridiculous advice from people who don’t know his relationship with the man in question and how Kenny Britt grew up. It’s asinine.

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1) The Jets win in spite of him!

False. In the last four games – two to get into the playoffs, and the two playoff games – Sanchez is completing 60 percent of his passes. He has thrown two TDs and one pick. He hasn’t fumbled. He’s basically playing error-free football.

Okay, that’s great. Cherry pick the parts you want. Ignore the 100 yards passing, the fact that he isn’t asked to make any sort of throw of consequence, his Yards Per Attempt Average, their treatment of him with baby gloves by the coaching staff, and the gameplan that Rex Ryan is specifically designing to make sure Sanchez has as minimal of an impact on the game as possible. Why does Rex Ryan do that, by the way? Because he knows Mark Sanchez is the only guy who could royally fuck up his gravy train. I’m sorry, but if the coach is designing gameplans to minimize the influence and effect on the game Sanchez can have when he’s the one guy who touches the ball on every offensive play, then the team is winning in spite of him. The less he does, the better the team is. GO SANCHISE!!!!

The Jets are winning because the defense has been phenomenal, the offensive line has paved the way for the running game, Sanchez has brilliantly managed the second half of both playoff games, and the Bengals and Chargers combined to go 0-for-5 on field goals. (Ed. Note: Italics are mine)

Hey look! An unordered list that is secretly ordered!! No homer would ever do that!! Let’s actually list these effects in a REAL order for how they really are winning:

1. defense has been phenomenal – True. This is #1. Good job. The rest is off kilter.
2. the Bengals and Chargers combined to go 0-for-5 on field goals – This is undoubtedly #2. While the Jets probably still win the Bengals game, it undoubtedly changes the complexion of the game if Shayne Graham hits a field goal. HOWEVER, the Jets lose the Chargers game if Kaeding hits the field goals he should. PERIOD. THEY LOSE. Don’t throw any bullshit arguments about how “we don’t know that blah blah blah”. Yes, we do. CHARGERS WIN IF KAEDING GOES 2 FOR 3!!!! This is the #2 reason why the Jets have a conference championship game on Sunday. Everybody who isn’t a homer or Peter King realizes this.
3. the offensive line has paved the way for the running game – Undoubtedly true. Without the running game, the Jets would have to rely on Mark Sanchez, and everybody who isn’t a Jets fan knows what would happen then: 5 Interceptions.
4. Sanchez has brilliantly managed the second half of both playoff games – I would like to point out that I am a Titans fan, this is a Titans blog, and we had 2007 Vince Young and 2008 Kerry Collins as our most recent playoff QBs and yet we still have a much higher standard for “brilliance” than The Big Lead. If the way Sanchez has “managed” has been brilliant, then it has to be the most underwhelming Brilliance in the history of the modern Western World.

2) If you only throw for 100 yards in a playoff game …

Meaningless.

Yes, absolutely meaningless. It doesn’t matter that the Jets have to manufacture wins and avoid their QB contributing in any meaningful way. Completely and totally meaningless.

The Jets aren’t asking their rookie QB to throw 25-30 times per game. All they’re asking is for him not to make mistakes, convert a few third downs, and put them in position to win the game. He’s done that in both playoff games. There’s a reason he’s only the 4th rookie QB since 1950 to start and win a playoff game: rookies are mistake-prone. If Sanchez has to put the ball up 30 times Sunday, the Jets will almost certainly lose.

Yeah, which is why the Jets are winning in spite of him. If he had to, you know, play like a normal Quarterback, the Jets would most certainly lose. Your words. Not mine.

3) His passer rating – 63 – is so bad!

Take a gander some historical “passer rating” numbers. Chad Pennington is 6th all-time. Eli Manning is 70th. John Elway (79.9) and Byron Leftwich (79.6) are virtually equal in the passer rating department. Read into that what you will.

Yes, all salient points in pointing out why Passer Rating is an overrated stat. However, you inadvertently point out Byron Leftwich is still 13 points higher than Sanchez. The equivalent would be how in baseball, batting average is highly overrated. That’s a true statement in general, however if a guy is batting .205 then its fair to surmise that players sucks ass at baseball. The difference between John Elway at 79.9 and Brett Favre at 89.9 is one thing, but 63 is historically bad. So, just because a statistic is overrated doesn’t mean it’s useless in determining effective play vs. historically bad play. Sanchez threw 20 INTs. He sucks.

(Guess which QB set a few rookie passing records? Rick Mirer in 1993 with the Seahawks. He was never heard from again.)

Of course the Football Outsiders left out two relevant points in the Russell-Sanchez comparison: Russell was a 2+year starter at LSU (Sanchez had one year at USC), and Russell rode the Oakland bench for a year before mopping up for four games in his first year in the pros.

Yeah, I just read that Football Outsiders column on it. They didn’t make either of the errors you claim they made. They didn’t start the article trying to compare Sanchez and Russell, that happened because when they entered in Sanchise’s statistics, THE NEAREST COMPARISON WAS JAMARCUS RUSSELL. They don’t claim to say Sanchez WILL BE Jamarcus, they just say that up to this point, Sanchez is Jamarcus Russell. You are claiming they are biased, yet you’re shitting bias everywhere on this piece, and it shows when you attack Football Outsiders as being biased and not doing proper research. Where is your research? “Passer Rating is overrated because John Elway has the same rating as Byron Leftwich. I WIN!!!” Oh and by the way, they took Jamarcus Russell’s 15 starts from 2008 and compared them to Sanchez’s 15 starts from 2009. They did not use 4 games in which he was mopping up. You obviously have no idea what you’re talking about because you didn’t do ANY research for this piece.

Here are some other interesting tidbit from the Football Outsiders piece:

His performance in San Diego, however, was historically inept. Sanchez threw for only 100 yards on 23 attempts, a woeful average of 4.4 yards per attempt. Since 1978, 119 quarterbacks have thrown at least 10 passes in a playoff game and averaged less than 5 yards per attempt; only 29 of them, including Sanchez, were lucky enough to win.

What did the Big Lead have to say about that? Nothing. Why? Because it kills his argument about winning in spite of Sanchez. Also, they don’t use QB rating, so there goes that argument.

Conclusion: The intense dislike for Sanchez has more to do with a) the fact he went to USC, which was the most insufferable college football program of the 00’s; b) this GQ spread, c) the fact that he’son the scene and dating models,  and d) the nickname “San-chize” that was bestowed on a rookie quarterback after the 3-0 start (why people would waste time hating someone because of their nickname is mind-boggling, but we digress).*

Wait… what? So the reason Football Outsiders and everybody else who is pointing out the OBVIOUS FACTS that Sanchez IS NOT good and DOES NOT deserve his praise is because they’re jealous and hate him? Did you ever think it’s actually because HE THREW 20 INTS and SUCKS ASS!?!?! No, probably not, because this blog post oozes bullshit and bias despite claiming to debunk the myths that emerge from bullshit and bias.

Essentially this is a giant post trying to intellectually dress up the argument that trumps all in sports: “SCOREBOARD!!!”

Yeah, the Jets are still playing. They are an improbable but realistic win away from the Super Bowl (despite their shitty QB). All Jets fans should be happy about this. That argument trumps all, no matter how analytical the sports world gets. My team is playing, your team is not. Oldest argument ender there is in sports. But if you’re gonna be an annoying homer about it, then BE AN ANNOYING HOMER ABOUT IT!!! STOP PRETENDING IT’S ANYTHING ELSE!!!

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Mainstream Media is lamenting the loss of Welker. Its always tough when the MSM loses a short, white, scrappy player.

followed by:

Expect 35,000,000 editorials on how Welker was everything great about sports and the tragic loss he is for the “real fan”.

Now, here is Peter King’s first 2 sentences of his esteemed column Monday Morning Quarterback:

Now that was a weird day. Sad with the devastating knee injury to one of the real poster children for everything that is good about the NFL,Wes Welker.

I AM A PROPHET!!!! Also, Peter King is a predictable windbag with nothing constructive to say.

Hat tip to Smashville for remembering my tweet and catching Peter King’s opening tribute.

Predictably Useless Windbag

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Eagles had only 10 rushing attempts today, a season-low. According to ESPN Stats, when they rush ball 25 times or more, they are 8-0.

COME ON!!! This is such dumb football analysis. I expect better from Adam Schefter. They are 8-0 when they run 25 times or more because when they run 25 times or more, it means they have the lead and are killing clock. They only rushed 10 times against Dallas because they were GETTING BLOWN OUT! They were not getting blown out because they weren’t running enough. When they were down 17-0, how DUMB would it have been to just pound the run? But hey, if they can just get to 25 rushes, they’re guaranteed to win!!

Come on, Schefty. I expect better. It’s like you’re becoming Bermanized!!!!

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1. Vince Young might play.
2. Kerry Collins is bad.
3. Chris Johnson is fast.
4. Jeff Fisher defines the term “sagging jowls”.
5. The Titans are one game under .500.

And there you have it. The 5 things T-Rac knows about the Titans.

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His first point was: 1. Vince Young has changed.

Fair enough. How true. A bit old hat by now, unless you have some good analysis as to why, but fine. Obviously statistically and by the eyeball test, a true statement. But then he makes his second point…

2. …But he’s still the same guy.

So that is the basis of your preview on the game? “He’s changed! But his identity is still the same as a person…” Soooo dumb….. And it gets worse. Check this crap out:

And now the bad. For all his confidence, Young still makes stupid mistakes that, to me, show a lack of concentration. That game-winner to Britt last week? It was thrown into a slew of four defenders and would have been picked or deflected by a better secondary.

Oh, that’s what you saw? To you, that throw was a bad throw? Lets take a look at what was going on around Kenny Britt when Vince Young threw the ball:

The view of the End Zone as VY threw the ball (Click to enlarge)

WOW!! LOOK AT THAT RIDICULOUS QUINTUPLE COVERAGE!!!!! HOW DID HE EVEN FIT IT IN TO SUCH A TIGHT SPOT!!!!???

Fuck, dude. Look at the play. It isn’t that hard to tell. Britt wasn’t wide open, but with VY distracting the 1st level defenders by threatening to run combined with the out of position defender in the corner of the End Zone, he actually had quite a bit of room to throw the ball considering that ALL the covering defenders could plop their asses in the End Zone since the Titans had to score. Vince also then made a perfect throw to the perfect spot, and Britt made a play. It was a great play by any stretch of the imagination.

Would a better secondary have covered it? Possibly. They wouldn’t have had they been in the same position that the Cardinals secondary was in. And had they been in better position, then Young wouldn’t have thrown there. It’s an asinine argument to say, “a better secondary would’ve made a play on that.” Well, how the hell do you know he would’ve thrown it there on a better secondary? In the moment on that secondary against that specific coverage, Vince made the PERFECT play. Wasn’t luck. Wasn’t happenstance.

[The last drive] included a.) a deflected pass that miraculously ended up in Scaife’s hands and b.) another poorly thrown ball on fourth down that Britt corralled while jumping over a defender’s back. That’s more luck than talent.

Miraculous is a bit strong, nay? Lucky? Sure. But miraculous? Happens all the time both ways. Now the first throw to Britt to convert the 4th down… Once again. If Peyton Manning, Brett Favre, Tom Brady, Drew Brees, or Phillip Rivers make that throw, it’s him putting it in a tight spot and trusting his Receiver to make a play. Which he did. It wasn’t luck. He threw it knowing the defender was not looking at him and thus had no idea where the ball was, and so he trusted his Receiver to make a play on the ball. I’ve seen Peyton Manning make that throw to Harrison and/or Wayne SEVERAL times. Andre Johnson has made a career off catches like that. IT’S NOT LUCK, DOUCHE BAG.

Chuck Cecil’s defense doesn’t dabble much in bizarre stunts or excessive blitzing (elements that have proven effective against Manning in the past)

Do you watch football? Have you heard of this Peyton Manning you speak of? Have you watched any game tape that wasn’t UT vs. Florida circa 1997? Blitzing against Manning USUALLY means lots and lots and lots of big plays and touchdowns. Now, I am not saying to never blitz Manning, but excessive blitzing is something Manning has eaten ALIVE.

Fantasy Focus

SIT

Chris Johnson — Just think about it is all I’m saying.

Holy crap. Seriously? SIT Chris Johnson? When he is on pace to break 2,000 yards? SIT HIM??? Who should I start over him, then? Jamaal Charles? Maybe Rock Cartwright will do! New Orleans isn’t too good at Run defense guys!! SIT CHRIS JOHNSON FOR ROCK CARTWRIGHT!!!!

I just… you have no credibility, Mr. Duerson. You obviously don’t watch game tape. You obviously don’t play fantasy football (or at least very well). And you’re obviously reaching trying to prove counterpoints on why Vince ISN’T better than he used to be. Here is a piece of advice for you: PICK A NON-CLICHE FORMAT AND THEN WRITE ABOUT REAL FOOTBALL SITUATIONS!

If you think the Colts will beat the Titans, fine. I actually acknowledge that the Titans should be 8.5 point underdogs and likely won’t win this game. However, if your reasoning is that Vince Young ISN’T different (when you just said he is) despite statistical and film analysis from experts saying otherwise, then you’re an idiot. REAL reasoning that isn’t cliche is usually simple and boring (unless you watch film and can provide REAL analysis), but TRUE. Example: The Colts will beat the Titans because Peyton Manning is a lot better than the Titans secondary.

That’s an example of competent analysis.

Take notes, dickhead.

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At this point we review the action from Week 10, and are shocked to find out Theodore beat both The Meena and I in picking games based on the logic that Detroit plays dirty and the Wisconsin cheese would “infect the Dallas people”. Sigh…

We then move on to Week 11 and pick the games against the spread. I finish off the podcast by having my old roommate, Simon, pick the Week 11 games as the representative of the “guy who knows nothing about the NFL”.

Lando is in rare form for this Podcast and comes after both The Meena and I several times. Quite hilarious. So take a listen and enjoy the arguing and yelling and off-color jokes.

• Rogersworthe – Week 10 Record: 6-8-1 Season Record: 78-64-2
• The Meena – Week 10 Record: 7-7-1 Season Record: 67-75-2
• Guest Picker - Week 10 Record: 8-6-1 Season Record: 19-21-1

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