Ever have one of those weeks where nothing goes right? Especially in Fantasy?
That is exactly what happened to me in Week 7. I was matched up against Spizz, projected to keep it close and maybe pull out a W. My team had other plans. Outside of Darren Sproles and Aaron Rodgers the rest of my team took a dump on my dreams of pummeling my fellow co-writers. But some things just weren’t meant to be. Like Matt Forte and Greg Jennings having productive years. I was so high on the two of you at the start of the season. Both of you are nearly identical. Each have had one awesomely amazing week, where I got my hopes up for the season. Now they are all dashed. Aaron Rodgers puts up at least 20 points a week, and some how Jennings only gets 5 of those a week. The Bears offense is much improved with the addition of Jay Cutler. You’d think that Forte would thrive under a QB who’s able to keep defenses honest. Instead he fucking fumbles TWICE on the 1 yard line. Christ I need a drink.
Lots of sexy looking matchups this week. And I know that there is one question on your mind. Who does Lando think is hot this week? And that’s why I am here. To pull you out of that pit of despair that has you sitting at your computer, wondering which beefcake is going to be beautiful this week. I’m like a drug. A pudgy, homoerotic, Titans football loving drug that you just can’t give up. So lets do this.
Hotties:
- Steve Slaton: The Bills run defense is the equivalent to the Titans secondary. Non-existent. Slaton has looked great catching the ball out of the back-field for Houston, plus going up against that run d makes him mighty fine looking to Lando.
- Ronnie Brown: What did he do a couple of weeks ago to that “great” Jets defense? Oh yeah, bent them over whilst running the Wildcat to perfection. Think he can do it again? Lando does.
- Marion Barber: I think that the Dallas Cowboys are playing all wrong. Two years ago they had a great passing game that was second only to the Patriots. But that was two years ago. The Cowboys have one of the deepest RB corps in the league. They should use it. And Seattle is as good a place as any to start. Marion the Barbarian is going to go Medieval on that ass.
- Aaron Rodgers: Only player on the Packers team that can put up good numbers consistently. And he torched the Vikings the last time they met. Odds are that he’ll put up those same kind of numbers again, and look surprisingly hot doing it.
- David Garrard: The Titans have used up their bye week, so my strategy returns. Start any QB playing against the Titans. We don’t have anyone to stop him. Oh feel free to kill me now.
- Jay Cutler: My bold prediction for the week. Cleveland has been known to tear it up, especially on D. But I’m confident that Cutler will be able to produce. Even against this world beating defense.
- Mike Sims-Walker: Same as Garrard. Strategy works for receivers too. He looked like Jerry Rice fused with Optimus Prime against us earlier this year. He’s gonna do it again. (Lando shoots self in groin.)
- Miles Austin: I was not a believer. But 66 points in two weeks is as good a converter as anything. Romo likes targeting certain guys, and it looks like Austin has fit the bill. Don’t think he’ll continue his godlike numbers, but has potential to be solid.
- The Entire Colts Receiving Corps: This one is for you Air.
Not ready for him to floss the Titans faces again.
Tags: beautiful beefcakes, fire jeff fisher, Greg Jennings, jay cutler, Matt Forte sucks, narcotics, Titans suck
