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Archive for the ‘Playoffs’ Category

Lando’s Super Bowl Punditry

February 3rd, 2010 by Lando | No Comments | Filed in Playoffs

Well here I go again.  For the last time this year.

I don’t really count last week as a football week even with the Pro Bowl.  That game has become a joke.  When Kyle Vanden  Bosch, Vince Young, and David Garrard are representatives in the AFC you know something is wrong.  These are supposed to be the best players in the league.  Come on.

But now the time has come to talk of bigger things.  It’s Super Bowl time.  And it’s time for me to pick who’s going to peak all over the place, and who’s going to drop the ball big time.  So without further adieu…

New Orleans at Indianapolis: I’m hoping for a close game.  This has potential to be one of the highest scoring games we will ever have the pleasure of viewing.  But if the Saints played like they did against Minnesota than it’s going to easily be a blowout.  6 fumbles in a game is never going to happen again.  In my mind the Saints need to play the perfect game to win.  Cause if you don’t Manning is going to bend you over.

Big Games:

  • Peyton “Zeus” Manning:  I hate him.  But I also have a grudging respect for him.  So instead I’m going to give a big shoutout to all you faggot UT fans who are fans of the Colts because of Manning.  Kiss my ass and suck my dick.  You are an embarrassment to humanity and get over the fact that Peyton went to your school over a decade ago.  How many National Championships did Peyton bring home?  Let me check.  Oh ZERO.  So take his genitals out of your mouth for two seconds and continue bitching about Lane Kiffin.
  • Drew Brees:  Minnesota was a shitty game for him.  Not going to say a fluke, but he usually bounces back after having a mediocre day.  He’ll need to be spot on for the Saints to even have a chance in this one.  I’m also going to send a petition around for Brees to bite the bullet and shave his head.  Losing your hair blows,  but it’s obvious you’re trying to cover it up.  If I didn’t like Brees I would be ripping into this.
  • Dwight Freeney:  He’s playing.  And I wonder if anyone pisses him off by calling him Dwigt.  Just a random heroin induced thought.
  • Sean Payton:  Coaching is way overrated.  But this guy is the best offensive tactician in the league.  The Saints have the ability to quick strike like none other, and they have a top ten running game to go with it.  He’s really turned this team around.
  • Mike Vanderjagt:  I think that’s how you spell his fucked up name.  Wonder where he’s delivering pizzas these days?

(more…)

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I Remember Exactly Where I Was…

January 25th, 2010 by Spizz | 2 Comments | Filed in Phun With Photoshop, Playoffs, Random Thoughts

…when Brett Favre ended his career with a game-losing interception way back in naught-ten.

It was a classic battle between good and evil, as the kind-hearted Saints of the impoverished and hurricane ravaged town of New Orleans made war with the remorseless Nordic souls of Minnesota, who called themselves Vikings. Of these wretched and foul pillagers, one stood out as a dark power among lesser villains. He called himself Brett Favre.

This man had a powerfully rank aura that followed his shriveled, elderly flesh as he traveled from town to town, leaving nothing but ashes, despair, and crushed Super Bowl aspirations in his wake. But while most were repelled by his disregard for human spirit and violation of the souls of many men, others, such as Peter the Fat, turned a blind eye to his path of destruction so that they might bask in his odorous waves of putridity.

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The Real Reason Kaeding Choked

January 22nd, 2010 by Spizz | No Comments | Filed in Playoffs, T-Rac, TRPeople

Nate Kaeding: What a great day! I don’t think I’ve ever felt so confident going into a game! I think I hit just about every kick I tried at practice today! Those Jet fellas will sure be sorry when they see the the confidence in their opponent’s kicker’s face! Boy, I can hardly wait!

(looks at watch)

Wow, 8 o’clock already?! I better scoot off to bed so that I’m well-rested for the big win!

(hears knock on the door)

Well, who could that be at this ridiculous hour?

(opens door)

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Lando’s Playoff Punditry

January 20th, 2010 by Lando | 2 Comments | Filed in Playoffs

The headache is creeping up.

To even think that Brett Favre and Mark Sanchez are one game away from playing each other in the Super Bowl…. Gah it makes me shudder.  I would refuse to watch this game sober.  Both are so not deserving of even playing in the Super Bowl.  I would rather see both of them wrestling naked than watch them play in the superest of bowls.  Shoot me now.

On a random note I think Kurt Warner is feeling a bit like Brendan(Brenden? What’s the official spelling on this?  It’s like the name Brittany.  Just come up with one spelling.  We’re white.  Come on.) Fraser in the box office smash hit Bedazzled.  For those of you who don’t know the movie Fraser sells his soul to the devil for five wishes, but each wish he makes becomes a hell in some way, shape, or form.  Something always goes horribly wrong.  And this is exactly what’s happened to Warner.  And I’m loving it.  First good ole Kurt sells his soul to regain his lost powers.  He takes the Cardinals to the Super Bowl and almost wins.  Almost.  Than this year he starts coming down to earth again, and gets blindsided trying to chase down an interception.  Knocked out of the game.  Fucking classic.  I love it.  Who called here on T-Rac’s Posse?  That’s right. Me, baby. Me.

Alright let’s review these games.

AFC

New York at Indianapolis:  How in the hell did the Jets make it this far?  Oh, San Diego remembered why Norv Turner blows and the Bengals just aren’t that good.  Gah I wish the Titans last year had been so lucky.  Well I’m going to come right out and say that the Colts are going to stick it in and break it off.  Airaser I’m with you on this one buddy.  Please kill Mark Sanchez.

Big Games:

  • Peyton Manning:  The man is a god.  There is nothing he can do wrong.  This is his year blah blah blah.  I get really sick of hearing it, but I can’t deny the truth.  The guy is a straight up G.  And I’m really cheering for you this week man.  Send the Jets packing and I will sacrifice to you.
  • Reggie Wayne:  I’m convinced he can catch anything.  I think the trainer’s apply some kind of adhesive to his gloves because that guy pulls EVERYTHING down.  If the Island shuts him down then some other Colts receiver is going to be wide open.  Probably the Mormon.
  • Gary Brackett:  If I was playing a backyard football game with all the NFL players to choose from this is how it would go.  #1 Chris Johns0n, #2 Randy Moss, #3 the great Gary Brackett.

Bad Uns:

  • Mark “Gay” Sanchez:  FUCK.  YOU.
  • The Jets:  Please.  The Titans don’t make the playoffs but you do.  And what’s worse is that people are actually giving you guys credit like you did something.  The last two teams you played in the regular season rolled over and died.  Just remember that, douches from New York.  You drafted Vernon Gholston.  Come on.

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA DIE WARNER HAHAHAHAHAHA

(more…)

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Lando’s Playoff Punditry: Part Deux

January 13th, 2010 by Lando | No Comments | Filed in Playoffs

So the Wild Card games are over.  And I couldn’t be happier.

3 out of the 4 games played were blowouts, and only one of those was enjoyable.  Rogersworthe and I had a one night stand with the Ravens on Sunday, and reveled in the Patriots’ demise.  Other than that we were bored out of our minds watching the other two “games”, and the only consolation we got was from Green Bay and Arizona.

But now all of that is over with, and we’re heading into round 2 of the playoffs(or as I like to call them the semi-semi finals.)  And it’s time for me to do what I was put on this world to do.  Look at pictures of beautiful women whilst eating Chinese food, and making bold predictions on player’s performances.  Let’s get started.

Another hook. Taylor Hanson, my dream girl

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AFC:

Baltimore at Indianapolis: This is going to be a good game.  Baltimore is going to need Joe Flacco to pull his head out of his ass and throw for more than 34 yards.  The Colts have a good, fast defense that will neutralize the running game, so the Ravens have a shot at losing.  And Peyton Manning makes every defense look like the Titans’.  My pick is the Colts.

Big Games:

  • Peyton Manning:  Need I say more?
  • Colts’ Receivers:  They’ve been doing it all year.  Someone always gets open and Peyton always finds them.  So expect big numbers from someone, it’s just hard to predict who.
  • Ray Rice:  Probably a top five running back in the league in terms of versatility.  That opening touchdown run he had against the Pats was immaculate.  The League’s new Brian Westbrook.

Bad Uns:

  • Joe Flacco:  I called this one out last week, and he didn’t fail to disappoint.  Even if this fag gets over his injury he’s still gonna blow donkey dong.  Ravens fans don’t get your hopes up.  This is the guy who’s going to lose it for you.
  • Ray Lewis:  I’ve said before and I’ll say it again.  Most overrated player in the league.  And I think it’s funny that he goes from being this big hardass to saying that everything is about God.  Maybe you’re just too old to play well anymore dick.
  • Brian Billick:  What does he do now besides allow himself to be used in shitty beer commercials?  Even Tony Dungy doesn’t stoop to that level.

(more…)

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Lando’s Playoff Punditry

January 6th, 2010 by Lando | 4 Comments | Filed in Playoffs

The regular season is finished.

Fantasy Football is finished(unless you do playoff fantasy, and are also homosexual).

Me judging professional athletes that play for the NFL?  Still gonna happen.

I’m going to continue what I do best, and that is judging players and deciding who’s going to do well and who’s going to drop the ball.  (Did you get the pun there?  I am sooo funny.)  So until the end of the playoffs I am going to take a look at each game and decide who I think is going to get it done.  So let’s do this.

Figured this would work as a decent hook

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AFC:

Jets at Bengals: Just a quick overview.  Both teams rank top 5 in total defense.  So I’m expecting it to actually be a low scoring game.  But the Jets do sport the best pass defense and the best rush offense.  So just some food for thought.  Big games first.

Big Games:

  • The Jets Rushing Game:  True, the Bengals have a good defense.  But I’m expecting The Jets to come out on top in this one, and will want to run the ball to ice the lead.  Jones is good and his backups aren’t too shabby either.  I’m expecting this to be a defensive slug-out.
  • Both Defenses:  Gah what a shitty game this is going to be.  I really can’t think of anyone player who is going to stand out on the offensive side of the football.  The Jets are going to get pressure on Palmer, everyone knows that.  I’ll just go ahead and predict that they’ll be taking a leaf from the Karate Kid and sweep Palmer’s leg.

Bad Uns:

  • Mark Sanchez:  I hate you.  I’ve said it so many times before.  He only passes for 63 yards in last week’s game and people praise him for his poise.  How much poise do you need to hand the damn ball off against the Bengals’ practice squad?  On a side note I really think Sanchez and Brady Quinn would make a great celebrity couple.  Just throwing that out there.
  • Most of the offensive players in this game:  This is such a dumb game.  I really hope the Bengals kick the shit out of the Jets, but it might not happen.  Both teams just aren’t that good and whoever wins this one won’t advance to the AFC Championship Game.  Next.

(more…)

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Playoff tickets will murder your wallet… unless you live in Arizona

January 5th, 2010 by Rogersworthe | No Comments | Filed in Playoffs

So Pro Football Reference.com has posted the range of the cost of different playoff tickets in the different cities who are hosting a home game. It’s some pretty insane stuff.

  • The Cowboys take the cake for Wild Card Weekend prices with a range of $40-$40,000. Yes, that’s right. $40,000 for a ticket to one game against a team they have already played twice.
  • Phoenicians get the best deal. The cheapest ticket for the AZ-GB game is $17 and the most expensive is $2,000. That actually makes sense to me for a price.
  • Despite Dallas’ $40,000 ticket, they aren’t the most expensive ticket on the list (yet). That belongs to the Vikings, whose most expensive ticket rings up at $65,414. Unconfirmed reports are that you get to rub Dianna Favre’s bulbous forehead as part of that deal.

That's a fivehead if I have ever seen one

Anyways, it’s some pretty crazy numbers. Check it out.

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Tennessee Titans Playoff Scenarios Generator

December 21st, 2009 by Rogersworthe | 3 Comments | Filed in Playoffs

New commenter Justin provided this AMAZINGLY entertaining link to the Yahoo! NFL Playoff Generator. You can mess with pretty much anything on it to see who would and wouldn’t make the playoffs in different scenarios. The good news? There are several ways in which the Titans can make the playoffs. However, there are a few definitives, from what I could see:

  • Either Baltimore or Denver has to lose out if Pittsburgh wins out.
  • If Baltimore, Pittsburgh, and the Titans finish 9-7, the Titans are the odd man out.
  • Miami is the odd man out in several scenarios, that seems to be the one team the Titans can beat out.
  • In a very odd scenario, if Pittsburgh beats Baltimore then loses to Miami followed by the Ravens beating Oakland (not much of a reach there), followed by Denver losing out, then the Ravens and Dolphins are in and the Titans and Steelers are 9-7 teams that are out.
  • Get crazy enough and you can break it. I found a way to where the Steelers would play as the 5th and 6th seed at the same time!! Now that would be insanity.

Anyways, go crazy. It provides several scenarios I have never thought of. Of course, ALL of this is moot if the Titans can’t win on Christmas Day. If you want, post some of the weird scenarios you find in the comments. I shall do the same.

What a year.

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Breaking down why to not break down the playoffs

November 19th, 2009 by Spizz | 1 Comment | Filed in Playoffs, Tennessee Titans

000000;">We’re ten weeks into the season and playoff talk has officially begun. We’re starting to see some speculation as to whether or not the Titans could win out and steal a wild card spot. Michael Strahan says that a post-season appearance for us isn’t not a possibility, and he knows a thing or two about things on TV with an outside chance of success (zing!). But do the Titans really have a shot at the playoffs? Fuck if I know.

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Fox exec somewhere: Now take this, and at a parapalegic brother! Its gold!

Fox exec somewhere: "Now take this, and add a parapalegic brother! It's comedy gold!"

000000;">Let’s break this down. At this point, it’s reasonably safe (and by “reasonably safe” I mean “still wild speculation”) to assume that New England and Indianapolis will win the AFC East and South, respectively. Barring some sort of monumental implosion, which you can never rule out with a team God hates, Cincinnati will probably win the AFC North (they’ve already swept both of the real teams in their division their remaining games include Oakland, Cleveland, Detroit, and Kansas City). The AFC West is still a toss up between Denver and Whale’s Vagina, so that puts the wild card picture a little something like this:

000000;"> (more…)

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