I wish John Travolta had never been in Pulp Fiction

By all accounts, when John Travolta took the role of Vincent Vega in Pulp Fiction, he was on his way out. Had he not gotten that role, by 1998 he would’ve never been heard from except on “Where are they Now?” VH1 specials. But he did. And this is how he has rewarded us:

• White Man’s Burden (1995): Never heard of it.
• Get Shorty (1995): Flaming pile of crap.
• Broken Arrow (1996): I saw this movie, and I can’t remember what it’s about. Something with the army. Needless to say, if I forgot, it sucks.
• Phenomenon (1996): Man gains mysterious powers of telepathy because of a brain tumor, and loses them when he gets healed. GAY.
• Michael (1996): John Travolta as the Archangel Michael. Whoever wrote that script should be lined up in front of a Cuban firing squad and shot.
  

  Yes, John Travolta has wings in this movie.

• She’s So Lovely (1997): Never saw it. Probably sucked.
• Face/Off (1997): Nick Cage and him switch faces through plastic surgery. Fine, whatever. But then they also somehow switch voices, and the movie never explains that. How retarded is that?
• Mad City (1997): City of Mad people? pass.
• Primary Colors (1998): Somebody believed John Travolta could pull off a nuanced acting job as a Southern politician who likes women and gets elected president. Well, he can’t.
• The Thin Red Line (1998): Everybody dies in Vietnam. Except Forrest Gump.
• A Civil Action (1998): The title alone is an allusion to how boring it is.
• The General’s Daughter (1999): Army investigator in a rape case. Actually a pretty decent cable movie when bored on a Wednesday night.
• Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (2000): Fuck. This movie. Maybe the worst movie ever made. Top 5.
• Lucky Numbers (2000): Never heard of it.
• Swordfish (2001): Halle Berry’s boobs: GOOD. The rest of the movie: BAD. Essentially encourages Capitalist terrorism to the enemies of wealth and squalor. No joke.
• Domestic Disturbance (2001): 7 minute movie in which a couple argue, the police arrive, they calm down, and the couple apologizes to each other. ROLL CREDITS.
• Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002): Austin Powers is so overrated it’s not even funny. You know what else isn’t even funny? Austin Powers.
• Basic (2003): Weird movie about a secret, underground military organization that infiltrates… the military. The same one they work for. What?
• The Punisher (2004): Apparently he was so bad when they made the sequel they got a new actor. Personally, I never saw it.
• Ladder 49 (2004): A.K.A. Backdraft 2: Fire in my Heart
• Be Cool (2005): The pseudo-sequel to “Get Shorty”. Kill me.
• Lonely Hearts (2006): A detective movie about catching criminals.
• Hairspray (2007): Trying to review the magic from Grease. Magic sucks.
• The Taking of Pelham 123(2009): I saw this, and it was pretty dumb. The terrorist’s escape plan was to walk on a bridge and hope the cops don’t see him walking. Which they did. And he died.

Now, we get to see him in some movie with a weird title, From Paris With Love, in which he plays an FBI agent (they don’t have jurisdiction in Paris, unless it’s Paris, Tennessee, which guarantees this movie will suck) who looks like a terrorist and shoots a car with a rocket launcher in broad daylight on a busy highway.

Man, I wish his career had never been saved.

Tags: I hate John Travolta Movies, John Travolta has had a horrible career, Off-season Boredom, Wish the Super Bowl was this week