Many of you do not have a slave driver of a Boss/Grandfather who makes you work the day before Thanksgiving. Many of you do. Many of you are also successful enough to not work for your Grandfather. Regardless, that’s neither here nor there.
However, if you happen to be traveling today to meet up with family, at some point we all know that there are 20 minutes of euphoria from seeing certain members of your family for the first time in awhile. If you’re spending Thanksgiving with your in-laws or are a bitter and cynical blogger who would gladly trade any of his extended family members for a Titans Super Bowl (that’s me!), this euphoria can be reduced to 17.5 seconds assuming you got enough sleep.
Of course, everybody then experiences the same realization:
I’ve got another 4-24 hours with these people, and I’m already so bored I am counting down the miliseconds until the Detroit f***ing Lions play. Why is Uncle Mike walking towards me? WHY IS HE HOLDING A PAMPHLET FOR ITT TECHNICAL INSTITUTE??!!!
At this point, I usually black out and wake up groggy, and I feel the memories flooding back of me. I begin to remember the horror of realizing that nobody brought alcohol so that they couldn’t be accused of being an alcoholic by the overly-holy, prohibition era born Paterfamilias, so I ate as much Turkey as possible to knock myself out.
Yeah, Thanksgiving is great, isn’t it?
Well, have no fear. T-Rac’s Posse is here to provide you with enough links to get you through this wonderful and fantastic holiday.
I tried to find a good list of the worst Thanksgiving foods out there, but I didn’t find a good one. So I will just make a quick little list from memory. Please, if you can think of any that YOU have in your family, ADD THEM IN THE COMMENTS!!! T-Rac’s Posse wants to compile a list from year to year of the worst Thanksgiving Foods.
Just so you know, my parents are divorced and both remarried so I have been to several different versions of Thanksgiving. Encountered some AWESOME food, but also some not so awesome food. Here we go.
Rogersworthe’s list of Bad Thanksgiving dishes:
- Jello with random shit in it: There is always one Aunt (usually unmarried, otherwise they would’ve had a husband tell them, “This is freaking disgusting. Never make this again or I will sell your engagement ring.”) who makes this dish, says its meant as an entree and NOT a desert, and to try to make it a side dish to the meal adds bits of asparagus, sprouts, beet roots, ham, and charred oakwood to it.
- Hey, lets add asparagus to jello so we can eat it WITH dinner instead of after!!
- Green beans with a weird white cream sauce: I’ve never seen this dish anywhere but my family’s Thanksgiving. I don’t know what the cream sauce is, but it is usually absurdly watery and tastes like yogurt mixed with bilge water.
- Carrot Salad: Worst idea ever. “LETS CUT UP CARROTS THEN ADD MAYONNAISE AND RAISINS!!!” WHY!?!?! THAT’S DISGUSTING!!!
- Stuffing: The idea of a loaf of bread grinded up then onions and peas added, followed by being shoved up the ass of a Turkey and cooked inside where the Turkey’s soul would be just creeps me out.
Now on to football stuff:
Brad Biggs of the National Football Post writes that Mike Martz is openly pining to work with Jay Cutler. Of course, the Bears have an Offensive Coordinator, but that never stops Martz from openly campaigning to put that dude out of a job. Outside of the issues raised by Martz trying to get a hard working guy fired, I think the Bears should take him up on his offer. For all of the problems with Mike Martz, he has always been a really, really good Offensive Coordinator. Do it, Bears.
Probably a Catholic coloring book.
Apparently the NFL found the “situation” (read whiny, bitchy Texans fans) with Vince Young awkwardly high-fiving a Ref worth issuing a DENIAL of it. WHO CARES!?!?! I swear, Texans fans are the biggest cry babies in the NFL. Only Notre Dame fans exceed them in important football (read: NFL and Major College Football).
Kissing Suzy Kolber credits the Texans’ Kris Brown missing his kick to the intimidation factor of the Rob Bironas “GUNFINGAZ”. I 100% completely agree.
/ignores Kris Brown missing 2 weeks before against the Colts
This column is ungodly long, however the important part is at the beginning, so you can just stop after reading it. Gregg (short for Gregggggory?) Easterbrook’s ESPN Tuesday Morning Quarterback Column points out how passing is King in the NFL. It’s a common trait in most years, but this year is really, really, REALLY reflecting it (way past the norm). He points out how the top 4 rushing teams in the NFL, including the Titans, all have losing records whereas 11 of the top 12 Passing teams in the NFL have winning records. While I think those numbers are exaggerated and are an anomaly here in 2009, I think the overall trend is correct.
Good passing wins games while good running is good running. Logically, this makes complete sense. Even a team as run heavy as the Titans will throw for more yards than run in a game. A good passing day in 350 yards. A good running game is half that (175 for the mathematically challenged). Obviously, 350 > 175. More yards = more scoring opportunities. Over time, more scoring opportunities = more scoring.
However, this does not mean the run game is useless (and TMQ is by no means saying the run game is useless, so I am not arguing with TMQ). But the running game is most effective for two things (strategically speaking). Offensive balance to set up play action, and killing the clock after taking a lead. Teams that are too pass reliant end up being the teams that have the most comebacks against them. It’s one of the big reasons why the New Orleans Saints are 10-0. When their awesome passing attack goes up 21-0 on a team, their now awesome Running game all but kills ANY opportunity of a team mounting a comeback. Last year, the Saints had no running game, so when up 21-0, plenty of teams would come roaring back and make the game close and sometimes win it.
In conclusion, the Titans need to get better at passing to ever be a REAL contender.
Hopefully this post kept you entertained for 20 minutes to an hour or so. Now you only have 23 hours left to kill!!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!
GO TITANS!!
Tags: Annoying extended family members, Family I hate seeing on Thanksgiving, Gregg Easterbrook, Lightspeed Links, Passing is better than running, Passing wins games, T-Rac's List of Horrific Thanksgiving dishes, T-Rac's Mega Thanksgiving Post, Tuesday Morning Quarterback, va-jay-jay cutler, Waiting for the Detroit Lions to play, Weird unmarried Aunt
Jello with random shit in it COVERED IN FUCKING MAYONNAISE.
I will admit that this has not happened to me, but it did happen to my best friend the first time he went to his inlaws Thanksgiving in Mississippi. He thought it was cream cheese. The prohibition-born inlaws wondered why he spit it back on the plate. HIS WIFE HAD NOT WARNED HIM. SHE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY.
Yeah, disgusting.
That's horrifying…
There should be laws on the usage of Mayonnaise
The worst thing that has always come from My freaking great aunt is this GREEN BEAN SOUP. Its horrible. It has meat, but its the type of meat you would expect to get off roadkill. It has nothing but fat on it and I have NO IDEA what she uses for her broth. I want to keep it that way.
Ewh.
A relative, who shall go un-named, once theorized that because you can have mashed sweet potatoes, and sweet potato french-fries, you should be able to do the reverse as well. She prepared some big-ass Idaho baking whites with brown sugar and marshmallows.
Yeah, “candied potatoes.”