Schadenfreude: The last chance at football joy

scha⋅den⋅freu⋅de (pronounced /ˈʃɑːdənfrɔɪdə/, German pronunciation: is pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others.

The Titans are 0-6 and judging by their recent 59-0 loss, not getting any better. Our beloved Coach has pissed off half the fanbase by wearing a Peyton Manning jersey in public. Our QB of the future can’t beat out a 37 year old journeyman who was drafted BEFORE Eddie George had even won the Heisman Trophy. The Titans don’t only suck. They are the laughingstock of the NFL.

So, why continue to watch football? What is the point of trooping on? Well, outside of fan support, there is one thing that can still bring joy to the heart of angry Titans fans: Shadenfruede.

Nothing can bring joy quite like your opponent completely failing. Except maybe a Super Bowl. And a winning team. Okay, forget that. Plenty of things bring greater joy than a hated team completely failing. However, THIS season, the 2009 NFL season, for a Titans fan, nothing can bring joy quite like the failure of others. There are many already existing storylines of Shadenfreude along with many potential ones as well. I will cover them all. Why? Because I’m tired of reflecting on 59-0. Time to hate everybody else.

Current Joyful Failures

Storyline of Hateful Joy #1: The collapse of the almighty Jets and pretty boy Mark Sanchez: This one is an amazing story. At the beginning of the year pretty much everyone said, “The Jets will suck.” I predicted them at 3-13. Well, they came out looking amazing. A top defense and a powerful running game along with the pretty boy savior QB not making huge mistakes led the Jets to a 3-0 record. The Jets looked like they could be division champs. Then they went down to New Orleans and Sanchez played like dogshit. Nobody blinked. It happens. The Superdome is hard to play in, blah blah blah. Well then on Monday Night Football the Miami Dolphins Wildcatted (fuck yeah it’s a verb) the shit out of the VAUNTED JETS DEFENSE and won 31-27. Ah yes. Well it happens. Miami played a great game.

But then….

5 interceptions!!!!! AGAINST THE BILLS!! HAHAHA YOU’RE RUNNING GAME GAVE YOU 300 YARDS RUSHING AND YOU STILL LOST DIRTY SANCHEZ!!! HOW DOES IT FEEL!!! 5 Interceptions in 29 attempts. That is 1 interception every 6 pass attempts. OH I LOVE IT!! SUCK ON IT YOU OVERRATED PRETTY BOY!!! How’s that “alpha male” bullshit working out now, Dilfer? Oh man, I love it. Fail you over-privileged assmunch. FAIL.

Storyline of Hateful Joy #2: The Dallas Cowboys suck: Any surprise? No. Is it still awesome? Yes. I was so happy the New York Giants beat the Cowboys in their new stadium in it’s opening game on Sunday Night Football. On top of that, Eli Manning signed his work in the stadium:

You have to admit… that’s badass.

Storyline of Hateful Joy #3: Albert Haynesworth is injured again? You don’t say…: It feels like every time I turn on a Redskins game, Albert Haynesworth is being taken off the field for an injury. Yeah, Redskins. THAT’S WHY THE TITANS DIDN’T RESIGN HIM!!! This signing combined with the craziness with Jim Zorn: Washington is now Oakland-East. I love it. Love it love it love it.

Potential Joyful Failures

These few early signs of Shadenfreude have been great, however they aren’t enough. I want MORE. I WANT MORE HATE! Well, never fear. There are still some potential failures ahead

Storyline of Potential Hateful Joy #1: Brett Favre tanks and the Vikings lose a key game due to 6 interceptions to miss playoffs/lose in playoffs: It’s coming. I can feel it. It’s inevitable. The Vikings look awesome. They even have luck on their side. Every announcer is masturbating to the greatness of Favre. And yet… I can feel it. He’s going to collapse. They’re going to collapse. The football gods demand it!! And when it happens, I will be crying tears of joy (not really, but I will be happy).

Storyline of Potential Hateful Joy #2: Steelers miss playoffs/lose in wild card round by losing a 14 point lead: They have the defending champion blues. They can’t close out games.  Teams are making comebacks on them left and right. It’ll catch up in a key moment. Just wait…

Storyline of Potential Hateful Joy #3: Peyton Manning, the great winner, loses once again in the 1st Round of the playoffs: Just wait. Regular as clockwork. Probably to the Chargers too.

See? Joy is still to be had in this football season. Just none of it is directly related to the Tennessee Titans.

Tags: 0-6, 59-0, Albert Haynesworth, Brett Favre, Dallas Cowboys, Eddie George, Eli Manning, Fuck Brett Favre, Hateful Joy, hatred, Mark Sanchez, mark sanchez moles, Minnesota Vikings, New York Jets, Peyton Manning, Pittsburgh Steelers, reasons to hate Pittsburgh, Schadenfreude, secretly gay quarterbacks, T-Rac Circle of Hatred, Washington Redskins, Washington Redskins = Oakland Raiders