Damn Lando, you’ve got it going on!
The above is a quote from the modern philosopher Rogersworthe. And you know what? He’s absolutely right. Minus a couple of guys, I nailed last weeks Hotties and Fuglies. Even though he’s my boy, I’ve got one thing to say to Greg Jennings. Fuck you man. Fuck you. You think you’re hot shit in a champagne glass, when you’re really just cold diarrhea in a dixie cup. How the hell is Aaron Rodgers going to pass for 300 yards and you only get forty of them. Forty??
Alright did a few lines and now I’m focused and back on track (Cocaine is hell of a drug.) This is the time of the week, the time when waivers clear and you’re thinking of who’s hot and who’s not. And as always, here I am, sitting here at my computer, ready to bless you mere mortals with my fantasy eggs of knowledge. Time to crack them all over your heads.
Hotties:
- Peyton Manning: The guy is a BEAST. He’s proven that anyone can enter the NFL, even if you’ve been graded your whole life on a curve. He’s also facing the Titans secondary, which hasn’t been this bad since ‘83. Look for an amazing week from stupid, sexy Peyton.
- Tony Homo: Gay.
- Joe Flacco: Man I hate the Ravens aka The Devil’s Handmaidens. But they’re really good this year, thanks to Flacco. This proves what a real franchise QB can do for a team. Take notes Fish. Oh, and he plays the Bengals who gave up the entire field to Massachuqoitdideakd or whatever his name is. Cleveland’s rookie. There we go.
- Adrian “Killer Croc” Peterson: Green Bay geared in against him and let Favre peak all over on Monday. But I saw the commercial that allowed me to give him this amazing nick name. I’m going to take that as a sign that St. Louis is going to get run over.(Random fact, if you google AP with his shirt off our website is the first result. I take full credit.) Hot to trot.
- Steve Slaton: Took a leaf out of Arnold’s book and came back last week. Man what a week too. Guess what? He’s going to do it again. Because Arizona blows big D. Just sayin.
- Chris Johnson: Already one of the sexiest players in the league. And he probably looks amazing with his dreads in a ponytail.
- Reggie Wayne: It pains me to write this… but who do the Titans have to cover him? Exactly.
- Andre Johnson: This guy is the real deal. He’s a playmaker. This guy knows how to win. (Was that enough gay ESPN analysis for you?) But for real, Johnson is going against Arizona. And if Schaub stays healthy that means oodles upon oodles of points for Andre.
- Mike Sims-Walker: This boat is real. He looked pretty damn good against us last week. And Seattle’s D isn’t much better. Not the same numbers but he’s still gonna do good.
Here comes 0-5
Fuglies:
- Kurt Warner: He’s going to be a mainstay on this list for most of the season. Last year was a fluke. Plus he’s too conservative to be hot. Fugly.
- Carson Palmer: The Ravens defense is amazing. Absolutely amazing. I really don’t know how they do it. Plus if it takes overtime to seal the deal against one of the worst teams in the league, than the Ravens are definitely going to give him a run for his money.
- Matt Cassel: Offense will end up passing every play because of how bad their defense is. But he’s not going to light it up. He’s a ten footer. Looks great from ten feet away, but when he gets up close you’re really disappointed.
- Clinton Portis: I’m surprised people are still projecting him to do well. This is one of the most embarrassing teams I’ve watched in a long time. It’s fun to watch teams pummel them. Carolina isn’t great, but they’re going to have fun getting their first win of the year.
- Michael Turner: San Francisco is good this year. And “The Burner” is still under the influence of the 370 curse. If you listened to Matthew Berry’s horrible advice and drafted him over Adrian Peterson than you deserve to have your team taken away from you.
- Ronnie Brown: The only real offensive threat for the Dolphins. But I don’t think the Wildcat will work against this D. They shut down the run. For this week, as fugly as they come.
- Santonio Holmes: I don’t know what changed since Week 1 and the Super Bowl, but he has been BAD the past two weeks. I really think he is injured but still playing because he is dropping the balls left and right.
- Roddy White: Supposed to be a top ten wide receiver. Guy is one of the best deep threats in the league, but Atlanta isn’t dialing up deep routes for him. Like Barack Obama says, it’s time for a change.
Well that sums it up for this week. Good luck and remember Lando works the vajayjay.
Been reading a lot about life in Ancient Greece
Tags: Adrian Peterson, Greg Jennings, NFL Week 5, nose clams, Peyton Manning
Random fact, if you google AP with his shirt off our website is the first result. I take full credit
lies. i tried and didnt work.
Need sagelike advice. Can only start 2 running backs>>
Marion Barber vs KC. could be limited but KC is godawful.
Ray Rice vs CIN. he has been a beast all year, (im in ppr league)
Addai vs TEN. hate to say it but i think they gonna light us up.
K. Moreno vs NE. Gettin better every week,
Hmm…. good head scratcher Dark.
I would definitely start Marion Barber. He is their go to back, especially at the goal line. And KC is so bad I'm thinking about just adding whoever plays them every week.
For your second back I think you have to go with Ray Rice. PPR he's the best out of the other three. The Titans have a lot of faults this year, but run defense isn't one of them. Addai might get a touchdown if they're on the goal line, but thats all he'll get. And Moreno is getting better, but Ray Rice is on a better team and he gets more looks than Moreno.
So I would go with Barber and Rice. Good luck and hope to see you Sunday night for the game chat
oh and last night we were the number one result for ap with his shirt off. roger told me that since the green bay game a lot of minnesota sites beat us out. so my bad on that one.
Mr. Lando i don't understand you, you should have put the whole colts WR core on the hotties list cause Peyton will pick you apart