Lando’s Hotties and Fuglies

The Fantasy Football season starts tomorrow and I couldn’t be more excited.  All my drafts are complete, teams are set for the first week.  But there is always the ever elusive question, “who should I start?”  There really isn’t a correct answer for this question(unless your name begins with the letter L, and you happen to be typing this article,) because so many things can happen to the player you choose.  But lucky for all of you, the answer has finally come.  The Good Lord saw your plight, and I was sent to ease your suffering.

I honestly envy you.  If only I had someone as wonderful as myself writing about which players are hot and which ones are not, my early days of fantasy would’ve been so much easier.  But once again I digress…  Everyone likes to do a weekly love/hate column and rank players.  But not Lando.  He doesn’t love a girl on the first date.  For the entire Fantasy Football Season I am going to be posting my weekly Hotties and Fuglies column.

Hotties:

• Adrian Peterson: It’s official.  This mancrush has just become bromantic.  Peterson plays the Browns this weekend, which means he is going to rush for oodles upon oodles of yards.  Plus it’s the Browns, need I say more?
• Kevin Smith: Ok.  He still is on the Detroit Lions.  Doesn’t change the fact that he’s going up against New Orleans, and that they are starting a rookie QB.  Not expecting Stafford to be throwing it a ton.
• Baltimore Rushing Game: F***ing Ravens.  Words can’t even begin to describe how much I hate that team.  But Kansas City is absolutely terrible on D.  I mean terrible.  When an overweight Lendale White breaks off an 80 yard TD against you it’s time to sell your team and start over.
• Drew Brees: This guy is so hot right now.  I expect him to pass for 5000 yards just this week, matching up with Detroit.  And he smells good too.
• Aaron Rodgers: Good lookin fella.  Facing off against Chicago aka most overrated defense of the past two years.  They allowed Kerry Collins to torch them for 289 yards and 2 TDs.  Nuff said.
• Calvin Johnson: Anyone who can appeal to my childhood TV watching days is automatically hot in my book.  The guy’s nickname is Megatron.  mmmm…… Plus it’s safe to say that the Lions are going to be playing from behind, so look for a lot of throws going his way.
• Roddy White: Going against the Miami Dolphins secondary.  Can you think of anyone who can stop him?  Me neither.

That's right man. Work it for Lando

Fuglies:

• Chris Johnson: My keyboard is speckled with tears right now, but we play Pitt at Pitt.  Needless to say I don’t think he has a solid week.
• Willie Parker: Same token as with CJ, this punk has to go up against us.  I wouldn’t want to be seen with him in my lineup this week.
• Ryan Grant: Chicago still has a very good run defense.  Even that doesn’t change the fact that Grant was a one hit wonder.
• Jay Cutler: Green Bay still has a secondary.  Plus he didn’t wow me during the preseason as I thought he would.
• Brett Favre: I don’t care how good those jeans look.  He destroyed my entire summer with his shenanigans.  Plus this is Peterson’s game.
• Vincent Jackson: Going to be covered by Nand… Nama….. that guy.
• Braylon Edwards: If he could catch and if he knew who his QB was than maybe he’d have a better chance at being attractive.

Tags: Adrian Peterson, beautiful beefcakes, Calvin Johnson, Drew Brees, Megatron